tabled

my hands are cold

I keep rubbing my arms & hands

The sun shines through the window

but I must be too far away to feel the warmth

he’s late & I toy with my ring

absently comparing my beaten silver

to his smooth gold

feeling alone & obvious

the news has gone off

no more stories of traffic & cars

doing what they’re not supposed to

And I wonder how long I should stay

at a single table with two menus

Others have come and gone now

filled & moving on with their lives

But

Here I remain

not single me

still waiting for married you

cavity

I found a cavity
this cold, gray day in Dallas
shopping in warmth
among pretty fruits and flowers
feeling like a bulimic in a candy store
You were my filling just a while ago
but now dissolved into cold and winter
And I, just walking through the doors
I think of leaving the pretty store soon

I bought orange roses
at least 2 dozen
Thinking if I couldn't be warm,
I could share warmth
There is to be summer and berry salad
at a ladies to-do tomorrow
Pondering how flannel & denim
comforts cowboys & skaters
I choose a poppy seed dressing with honey
and stand in line

fingers chill and chafe while I clumsily pay
and decide the price is too high to tell others
I check my phone, praying you've called
solidified again
but there's no ghost of you
except this hammered silver ring on my finger
and the cavity I found today

Cars & Effect

I have gas in my tank & money in my pocket
The day is long & lovely before me
but my soul sighs as the sun bares down
and I wonder how long I have to wait
before I can be whole

The frogs on my socks & an I Love Lucy lunchbox
seem to give most enough information about me
and I’ve worked hard for it to be
but my car is parked & its hazards flash
‘cause I can’t figure out where I’m heading

There’s only now and there’s only what’s been done
Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t
But clichés aren’t much comfort
When I’m surrounded by parked car & setting sun

I have gas in my car & money in my pocket
The day is softening & golden around me
But it’s hard to see anything but the sun
And I wonder how much I can blame
Before anything actually changes

There’s only me and there’s only what I’ve allowed to remain
Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
But when I get to where I’m going…
When I’m free & clean & whole
Frogs will dance & I’ll laugh & it won’t matter as much
What you did down here