bright, secret sunshine

i am clumpy
and dumpy
malformed
and disproportionately balanced
I smile my dimpled Southern comfort
at those who catch my eye
But those who do are
usually few and far
between
And taken
Or broken in a way I can't fix
& don't want to touch
After all, when the sun settles
& the dust forgotten
I am Ok
Alone with my bloated arms & pale skin
Because I know what to expect from me
and I am safe


One day
my eyes find a catch
& my stupid heart tripped


There, in solid frame and velvet jacket
with jeans
was Someone that made
silence seem hollow and
the dumpy, clumpy seem
sinuous
clandestine


Saying things i didn't understand
standing reverently hushed in a marble atrium
full of admirers
while
my tongue grew clunky and lunky,
mouth glued shut
life paused
a moment birthed
and in the mud of my befuddled being


a sunbeam thought
of maybe...


subtly then
and over time
my clumpy will smooth
and dumpy will shift


I will be more
I will be my world to mold