Mom, Weiner, Bell

Last week was terrifying.

My mom, feisty and opinionated at 61, couldn’t get above a 45 degree angle for two days. She couldn’t do anything by herself and there was no warning any of it was going to happen until it did.

She’s recovering now, but it got me to thinking about family, and how we take care of each other.

How do you know if someone loves you? How do you show you love someone else? How do you know if you do love someone else?

If you do love someone, and they request you show it in a particular way which conflicts with your ethics, what do you do?

How do you most care for those that you love?

So, like most conversations in my head, I start with what I know I don’t know, and hope, by the time I get to the end of the list, what I do know leads me to some sort of answer about what I want to know.

What examples of love do I have around me right now? What examples of actions that don’t show love are also happening?

When I think of a choice that doesn’t show love, I think of former Congressman Weiner.

I know that Weiner did not take care of his wife. He did not show her love by not being honest about the stress he was under, or what he needed from her. He did not show love by denying what he had done, by what he was continuing to choose to do, and by asking others to lie for him. He wanted something he didn’t want to admit he loved more than he wanted to love his wife.

His actions did not offer anything soft for his wife to land in, so his actions show no love for her.

And unpacking that idea a little, what do I know of love?

I know love is hard. I know love tries. Love doesn’t accept what is easy, but strives to find the hard and soften it. I know love is romanticized, sexualized, and cheapened, but that’s because the idea of love is strong enough to handle it.

Love tries. Love shows.

Love’ll wait until the person it is being shown to sees it as such, but it doesn’t expect the person to see it before that person chooses to do so.

Love… gets us, even when we don’t.

When she was sick, my mom’s church prayed for her, which is sweet and implies love. There were messages on her FB and e-mails sent back and forth. One person, who knew she couldn’t keep down food, brought her gazpacho and told her if the soup was too spicy, she’d brought some bleu cheese. That community loved her the best way they could, in the way they deemed appropriate.

A friend of mine heard my mom was sick from a comment I made to someone else. Then, this other friend e-mailed me and brought food for a week. She loved me, even though I didn’t ask her to, and though I really didn’t see how I needed her to.

But I really, really needed someone to love me while I loved my mom in a new and scary way.

I know my friend loves me now because her actions showed her love, and because she chose to love me.

There’s a difference in how we treat each other when there is love present. We are different. We think differently, and it’s obvious.

I heard something kind of seriously beautiful this week. It said there was a community formed who came together as a large, passionate, healthy family; where there was an intense sense of togetherness among all, and that it was obvious to outsiders, people who didn’t know anyone in the group or anything about them that love was present there. People who had no love for that group, even those that hated them, saw something powerful in the love that flowed between the members of that community.

People mattered more than stuff to that group. Time was given in love to show love.

Said a different way, that community lived so that the story of the Resurrection of their Liberating King had the power to show those that thought Christ was just a rebellious thief that He may have been much more.

Why do I care about love so much right now? Why are these questions driving me?

Because I am constantly bothered and discomforted by the way Christ showed His love for me.

There was a situation a few weeks back where we as Christ-followers didn’t really walk in the path He’s marked for us; and I think God is giving us a chance to do better now, with simple situations – like my mom and former Congressman Weiner.

We have the chance to show love to someone humiliated and hurting. What Weiner did wasn’t wise, but it was his choice to make. His wife is his church; that is, she’s the one that decides what happens in the most intimate part of his life, as his choice affected the most intimate part of hers.

Our part to play in this is our choice, and how we respond to it is how God allows us to express love into this situation.

I applaud the fact that there haven’t been any loud calls for blood, which is a step above how we treated Rob Bell just a few weeks ago. But doing the minimum, that doesn’t jive with love. Love is lavish, and again, it tries. Love does more not because it has to, but because it doesn’t have to. Love wants to.

So, let’s love Weiner – not because we have to, but because we don’t.

How do we show love to a former Congressman whose wife is already distancing herself from him in public? In His time, Christ found a woman in the act of adultery, and didn’t cast a stone. That seems like a good start.

We could use this as a chance to learn how to respond better in the future. We could even question if we would respond differently if the name in the headlines was Rick Perry, and not some Democrat from a Northern state.

We could start having a serious, honest conversation about how Christ showed His love, and how we reserve ours for those we deem worthy.

This is my reservation and the source of my discomfort in this scenario: Weiner is somebody’s baby, and he’s about to be somebody’s daddy.

How would I respond if you treated my Mom like that? How would you respond if I treated your Mom like that?

The week before last, Rob Bell was judged and found wanting. It didn’t matter who he was in the community or out of it; he was left unloved.

Last week, I was terrified because my mom, whom I loved, was hurt and I couldn’t help her.

This week, Weiner is disgraced and humiliated, and I don’t know how to love him… but I can start by least trying for no other reason than he needs me to.